You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I am mentally ready for anal.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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