Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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