I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
