By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
