We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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