That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
