dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
