also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
