ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
