dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
