hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
