my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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