Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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