addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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