I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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