At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
