she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Randomize
