I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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