Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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