Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
