We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
