I'm so fucking centered right now
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
