He is an equal opportunity slut.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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