You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
