Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Acid is not a monday night drug
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
