I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
