or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
