Where are you?
In a non slutty way
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
