He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
