Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
