I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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