I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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