My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
