ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
