walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
