I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
