:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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