Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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