You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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