I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
