Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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