I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
why is half of my head shaved?
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