Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Randomize
