Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
