yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He shit in the fireplace
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
