Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
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