Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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