i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
