he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
