Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I think my moral compass just broke
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