Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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