Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
