Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
