peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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