I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You can't just leave with hair like that
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
