It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
