singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
