Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
