apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
